Woot! I got it to work.
All I did was move the Sub call.
I took it out of the page_load event and put it in the button click event
Protected Sub ButtonSubmit_Click(ByVal sender As Object, ByVal e As System.EventArgs) Handles ButtonSubmit.Click
updateDealerSettings() 'Now it works =D
LabelStatusMessage.Text = "Updated at " & DateTime.Now
End Sub
Thanks for all the guidance and time. :)